Sunday, June 07, 2009
From my reading:
Making others change
A common method people use to force someone to change their way - or make a shift – is to
imply that they are bad or wrong. “This isn’t right, why can’t you do it this way?” Often this is done
in a subtle way. Simply questioning their choice in a particular tone of voice can be enough to
make someone question their judgement and defer to our judgement. As coaches we believe that
the client is the expert in his or her life. We want them to exercise their judgement, not rely on
ours.
Another way people try to bring about change is to revert to coercion; pressuring or even
threatening others to get something done. Some people believe that coercing others is a sign of
strength or even confidence. Nothing could be further from the truth. If we are secure and
confident in our own lives, we are able to allow others to make their own choices. Our self worth
is not caught up in making others do what we want, even if we think it is in their best interests.
Yet another way people try to make someone change is the “guilt trip”: making someone feel
guilty for not acting in a particular way. “If you don’t do it this way something bad will happen and
it will be your fault.” This is perhaps the most damaging of all because it sacrifices a person’s allimportant
sense of self for little gain. The person may be motivated by guilt to achieve a small
goal, but the damage to their confidence or self esteem will prevent them from coping with the
substantial or important challenges in their life.
These techniques all work occasionally to bring about change in others but only in the short term.
None of them assist people to make meaningful or long-term changes in their lives. Generally
they will lead to enough superficial change to get the other person off their back before they
default back to their previous behaviour. All of them disempower and deskill the other person in
managing their own lives, the very opposite of what we want the coaching relationship to
achieve!!
Copyright 2002 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. 1
Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com
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Making others change
A common method people use to force someone to change their way - or make a shift – is to
imply that they are bad or wrong. “This isn’t right, why can’t you do it this way?” Often this is done
in a subtle way. Simply questioning their choice in a particular tone of voice can be enough to
make someone question their judgement and defer to our judgement. As coaches we believe that
the client is the expert in his or her life. We want them to exercise their judgement, not rely on
ours.
Another way people try to bring about change is to revert to coercion; pressuring or even
threatening others to get something done. Some people believe that coercing others is a sign of
strength or even confidence. Nothing could be further from the truth. If we are secure and
confident in our own lives, we are able to allow others to make their own choices. Our self worth
is not caught up in making others do what we want, even if we think it is in their best interests.
Yet another way people try to make someone change is the “guilt trip”: making someone feel
guilty for not acting in a particular way. “If you don’t do it this way something bad will happen and
it will be your fault.” This is perhaps the most damaging of all because it sacrifices a person’s allimportant
sense of self for little gain. The person may be motivated by guilt to achieve a small
goal, but the damage to their confidence or self esteem will prevent them from coping with the
substantial or important challenges in their life.
These techniques all work occasionally to bring about change in others but only in the short term.
None of them assist people to make meaningful or long-term changes in their lives. Generally
they will lead to enough superficial change to get the other person off their back before they
default back to their previous behaviour. All of them disempower and deskill the other person in
managing their own lives, the very opposite of what we want the coaching relationship to
achieve!!
Copyright 2002 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. 1
Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com
